what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
