Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
