i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
