I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
