So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
