Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
