I think scott just propositioned me for sex
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
