direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
