Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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