You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
