FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
