I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
