The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
