Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
