ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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