Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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