it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
