Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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