and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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