Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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