I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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