So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
