We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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