it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
