So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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