I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
