it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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