I puked a lego.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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