There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dear god my vagina.
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