At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
