I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
