11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
