Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
