Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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