I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
