the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
