I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
