Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
