I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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