ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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