i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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