to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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