It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
