Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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