my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want to fling myself into the sun
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
