The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
