I just pynch a tree in the face
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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