im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
