North Korea, Best Korea!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
