if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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