I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
