I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
