My first STD was from a foam party
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
