Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
