We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
