I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
