If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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