Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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