You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
