i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
