I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
