Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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