Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
