Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone says I win the strip club
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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