My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
