I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
